How to Encourage Your Partner to Try Marriage or Relationship Counselling
- Clarissa
- 3 hours ago
- 6 min read
Why Suggesting Marriage Counselling Can Feel So Difficult
For many couples in Singapore, suggesting marriage counselling or relationship counselling can feel like walking on eggshells. Even when both partners care deeply for each other, bringing up counselling may trigger defensiveness, discomfort, or fear that “something must be very wrong.”
But here’s the truth: counselling is not a sign of failure—it’s a sign of commitment. It shows that you want to improve, not give up. And in Singapore’s fast-paced environment, where careers, expectations, and family pressures often weigh heavily on relationships, seeking support through family counselling or couple therapy can be a turning point toward healing and growth.
Still, knowing this doesn’t magically make your partner more willing to go.
That’s why this guide walks you through:
Why resistance to counselling happens
How to bring up the topic safely and respectfully
Ways to help your partner feel heard, understood, and motivated
How to reduce stigma and fear about the counselling process
Healthy next steps if your partner still hesitates
By the end, you’ll have a practical, compassionate roadmap for encouraging your partner (without pressure) to consider counselling as a positive step—not a threat.
Why Some Partners Resist Marriage or Relationship Counselling
Before you can persuade your partner, it helps to understand why they may be resisting. In Singapore, common reasons include:
1. Fear of Blame
Many worry counselling will turn into a “fault-finding session,” where the counsellor takes sides or they end up feeling attacked.
2. Stigma About Counselling
Even though the conversation around mental and emotional wellness is improving, some people still associate counselling with “serious problems,” weakness, or failure.
3. Cultural or Family Conditioning
Some grew up believing relationship issues should stay private or be solved within the family.
4. Unfamiliarity With the Counselling Process
If they’ve never experienced counselling, they may imagine something intense or confrontational.
5. Fear of Facing Difficult Emotions
Counselling requires honesty and vulnerability, which can feel overwhelming for people who prefer to keep their emotions private.
6. Feeling That the Issues Are “Not That Bad Yet”
Your partner might think the relationship is going through a “normal rough patch” that doesn’t require professional help.
Understanding their resistance makes your job easier—it allows you to approach the topic gently, without triggering defensiveness.
Choose the Right Moment to Have the Conversation
How you bring up counselling matters just as much as what you say.
Here’s how to approach it thoughtfully:
Avoid talking when emotions are high
Don’t bring it up during fights, disagreements, or moments of stress. That will make counselling sound like punishment rather than support.
Pick a neutral, calm, private moment
For example:
When both of you are relaxed at home
When you’re on a quiet walk
When you’re sharing quality time
Use “I” statements, not “you” statements
This prevents blame and focuses on shared wellbeing.
Better:“I want to learn how we can communicate better because I really care about us.”
Not:“You never listen. You need counselling.”
Explain Why Counselling Matters to You
Instead of saying, “We need counselling,” try explaining what counselling means to you personally.
Talk about your feelings, not their mistakes
You might say:
“I feel like we’ve been misunderstanding each other more lately, and I want us to reconnect.”
“I value our relationship so much that I want to make sure we’re giving it the best chance.”
“I want us to have tools to handle stress and communication better.”
When you frame counselling as an act of care—not criticism—they’re far more likely to listen.
Emphasise That Marriage Counselling Is Normal and Common
Many Singaporeans still believe counselling is only for couples “on the brink of separation,” but in reality:
Many couples seek relationship counselling to strengthen communication, not because they’re breaking down.
Counselling sessions are designed to be neutral and respectful.
You don’t need a “major crisis” to benefit from guidance.
Normalising counselling helps your partner feel less threatened by the idea.
A lot of resistance comes from uncertainty. Your partner may picture something intimidating— but the reality is much calmer.
Here’s what counselling typically looks like in Singapore:
A trained, neutral counsellor guides the conversation.
Both partners get equal time and space to speak.
There is no blaming or shaming.
The focus is on understanding patterns, improving communication, and rebuilding connection.
Sessions feel structured, safe, and supportive.
You might say:
“Counselling isn’t about digging up everything that’s wrong. It’s about learning skills to help us talk and listen better.”
Suggest Starting With a Single Session (Low-Pressure Approach)
Instead of asking them to commit to an entire programme, soften the request:
“Can we just try one session together? If it doesn’t feel helpful, we don’t have to continue.”
This removes a lot of pressure and lowers emotional resistance.
Reassure Them That Counselling Doesn’t Mean You’re Giving Up
Many people see counselling as a last resort—so reassure them it’s the opposite.
You can say:
“I’m suggesting counselling because I believe in us, not because I’m giving up.”
“When things matter, you invest in them. That’s why I want us to try counselling.”
“We seek financial planners to manage money and fitness coaches to improve health—counselling is support for our relationship.”
Offer to Take the Lead on Arranging Things
If your partner feels overwhelmed or unsure, offer to handle the logistics.
This might include:
Researching counselling centres
Checking fees and schedules
Managing appointments
Attending an initial consultation
Some partners agree once the “unknown” becomes less intimidating.
Show Willingness to Take Responsibility Too
Counselling should not sound like a way to “fix” your partner.
Make it clear you’re ready to reflect on your own behaviour and communication as well.
Say things like:
“I want to learn how I can support us better too.”
“I know I’m not perfect, and I want to improve as well.”
“It’s not about blaming either of us. It’s about working together.”
This reassures your partner that counselling won’t become a one-sided critique.
Let Them Express Their Concerns—And Listen Without Interrupting
If your partner is hesitant, don’t argue immediately. Let them share why.
Ask:
“What worries you about going for counselling?”
“What do you imagine the session would be like?”
“Is there something you’re afraid might happen?”
Then listen.
Don’t correct. Don’t debate.
Just listen.
Feeling understood often becomes the turning point.
Suggest Alternatives If Full Counselling Feels Too Intense
If your partner still feels reluctant, consider starting small:
Option 1: Online counselling sessions
These feel less formal and less confronting.
Option 2: Relationship workshops or seminars
More educational and less emotionally intense.
Option 3: Individual counselling first
Some people need a personal safe space before shared sessions.
Option 4: A simple consultation call with a counsellor
A no-pressure introduction to the process.
These “soft entry” options can help reduce nervousness and increase comfort.
Show How Counselling Has Helped Others
Without naming anyone (for privacy), you may share general examples:
Couples who improved communication
People who found clarity and understanding
Families who resolved long-standing misunderstandings
Alternatively, you can reference research showing counselling improves relationship satisfaction for many couples.
This helps them see counselling as effective—not as a last resort.
Highlight the Benefits of Counselling for Singapore Couples
Counselling can help with:
Improving communication
Understanding each other’s emotional needs
Handling conflict in healthier ways
Rebuilding trust and connection
Reducing stress from external pressures (work, family, finances)
Strengthening long-term relationship stability
Frame counselling as growth—not repair.
Understand When to Give Your Partner Space
If you’ve tried discussing it multiple times, pushing harder might trigger more resistance.
It may help to:
Step back
Let them process
Revisit gently later
Forcing or insisting usually backfires.
Sometimes, giving space is part of the process.
What to Do If Your Partner Absolutely Refuses Counselling
While most partners eventually become open to counselling after understanding its purpose, some may still resist.
If so:
1. Try individual counselling for yourself
This can help you develop communication strategies and emotional clarity.
2. Work on relationship skills independently
You can:
Improve your own listening
Adjust your communication style
Reduce defensive patterns
Change from one partner often shifts the dynamic.
3. Revisit the idea later
People often become open to counselling when:
Conflicts repeat
Stress increases
Misunderstandings build
They notice improvement from your side
Your openness may eventually encourage them.
Encouraging Your Partner Is a Journey, Not a One-Time Conversation
Convincing your partner to try marriage counselling or relationship counselling in Singapore is not about pressure—it’s about compassion, patience, and mutual respect.
The goal is simple:
To show that you want to protect and nurture what you have.
When approached with understanding, counselling becomes easier for your partner to accept, and the two of you can move toward healthier communication, deeper emotional connection, and a more resilient relationship.
The first step may feel small—but it’s often the most important one.
Where to Find Trusted Private Investigators in Singapore
If you’re ready to engage a professional but unsure where to begin, Singapore is home to several reputable private investigator firms licensed under the Private Security Industry Act. These agencies are experienced in handling a wide range of cases — from corporate investigations to personal matters — while operating within the legal framework of Singapore.
Stay Informed: Latest News & Insights
Want to learn more about marriage and relationship counselling in Singapore? From understanding what sessions involve to practical advice for encouraging your partner, we’ve got you covered.
Click here to explore the latest counselling guides, tips, and industry updates in Singapore.
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